Strange encounters.

I frequently ride Trax to a class I have on campus. Yesterday, I parked in my usual spot and headed toward the train. As I was walking, I noticed a homeless man holding a sign straight ahead of me. He was greeting cars as they exited the busy shopping center parking lot. I instantly decided to avoid an uncomfortable "hello" by walking behind him, hoping to prevent any type of communication between the two of us. Just as I thought I had escaped all awkwardness, the following happened:

Homeless Man Holding Sign: Hello Ma'am, How are you today?

I replied with the curtious "Good" answer, but of course I couldn't stop there. Before I knew it I added, "How are you?"...

Hold on. What a second. Did I really have the audacity to ask a HOMELESS man how he was doing?? Ummm, yes I did. And what do you think was his reply? Not the curtious "Fine, Thank you", but instead he boldy replied, "I don't know yet", hoping that I could somehow change his fate right at that very moment. (heart sinking to bottom of chest) What was I thinking? Of course a homeless man begging for something is not doing great. What did I expect! It's not like I really cared how he was doing. And if I did, I would have pulled out my loose change from my purse and smiled kindly, no words needed.

So I continued my walk of shame to the tracks and made a vow never to make stupid conversational decisions again. We'll see how that works out.

What I hate.

I hate:
writing papers
cold sores
cold hands
homework
studying
finals week

ok, basically I hate school right now...I can't wait for this week to be over. I keep finding other things to do besides study or write my paper. I am ansy right now just to be done with the semester. I need a couple weeks to get ready for another, even harder, semester. AHHH. I should go now.

Money

I will never forget the feeling of paying off credit card debt. To finally be able to do that is a tremendous, overwhelming happiness that reminds me how much I rely on money. I get really nervous when I don't have any and I hate asking my parents for money, so I don't whenever possible. But I try and take on my mother's attitude of "Money is there to spend, so we have to spend it when we have to spend it!" I try not to worry when my bank account gets horrifyingly low, but when I get money again and can pay off what I owe, I am joyous and relieved. Thank you money, for causing stresses and then taking them away.

It could happen.

"Prayer the ultimate wireless network"

I saw this on a billboard outside of a church in downtown Salt Lake. It reminded me of a small town horror flick made in the 80's. The camera would pan across a church like this as you enter the town where everyone will be murdered except you. And you will be left in bloody clothes, with scrapes and bruises from the many close-calls, trying to hitch a ride to the nearest town, which happens to be even weirder than the first. And next summer the same thing will happen to you once again. Your life is forever haunted and you will never escape it...

Just sayin'...

10.31

America is a weird place. For the past month I have procrastinated the registration of You Too, and have left the task for the last possible day of completion, the 31st of October. As I took the long way to the DMV, I had forgotten that this was a special day. If I had decided to sit on nasty black, plastic chairs any other day, I would have a had a completely different experience than that of this blessed day. Before I walked through those ever too simple doors, I was expecting grumpy, unforgiving government workers. Instead, I got normal, everyday Americans, dressed as witches, and pirates, and pumpkins. As I sat there trying to think of anything but how long I had been there, I realized that we live in a strange place. One day, out of all the days of the year, we are allowed to be anyone but ourselves. We are able to put on a front and say "Peace, love and happiness" without being judged as a free spirit or hippie. And I believe I got better service because of it. It is sad to think that tomorrow, just a couple hours difference, will change the attitudes and demeanors of those government workers who so willingly helped me today. They will no longer have such a convenient conversation starter or tension-breaker. So, that leads me back to my opening statement: America is a weird place. If we really wanted to be a hippie or pirate, what is stopping us from that. Or even better, what makes us believe that it is okay to do it once a year?

Lately...

Lately I have been going to sleep to a movie. I just can't get my mind to shut off. Life got hard and busy and I don't know how to deal with it. And it's not like I have never been busy before, I have. It's just more complicated now. I don't want to give that extra effort that would make things okay. I just don't. I can't get rid of that feeling, you know, the one that will never let you relax because you have a million things to do. And somehow you get them all done. That's how it has ended up before, but this kind of feels different. Like there is no ending. And there might not be and so what. What do I care? I seem to care a little too much. Maybe that's my problem. I should try to not care so much. But for now I just need more movies...

"Pain...you just have to ride it out. The truth is you can't outrun it. Life always makes more."
-the creative writers of Grey's Anatomy

Poem #1278 in memory of You

Today I lost You.

A loud pop,
And you're gone.
As I waited to be saved,
You were already dead.

We listened to great music,
You never complained.
Except for that Winter,
You would scream everyday.

And then came the Summer,
We barely went out.
I would sometimes forget,
You were so close.

But Your time is now done,
You left me in pieces.
What shall I ever do,
without You.


-dedicated to the best friend a girl could have...my Mitsu. (tear tear)

Firenze, Italia

I am here in the beautiful city of Florence. It is our second day here so we are becoming more and more familiar with its streets and people. When you travel, you learn quickly what you like and don't like. Like: Florence, Don't like: Rome. And I mean, yeah, Rome is great for the obvious reasons (Coloseum, ancient ruins, Vatican, etc.), but it really is just another hot, stinky and busy city. There is nothing wrong with that, it just wasn't my favorite. I think it was good to start with Rome, get the worst over with and now I can enjoy the company of those who don't mind that I am not familiar with the language. People are happier the further north we go. I wish everyone the chance to travel to different parts of the world. It is a very good thing. Tomorrow we tour the churches. What a life!

Ciao!

Top 10 Fav. Songs, 7.20.06

Most of these are solid, but let me tell you something...It is dang hard to figure out your favorite songs of all time. I have no doubt that every year, maybe even every week, some of these will be exchanged for newly discovered captivating songs. But for now:

1. Unfold - Jason Mraz
2. Eleanor Rigby - The Beatles
3. Because I Told You So - Jonatha Brooke
4. Learning to Fly - Tom Petty
5. King of Sorrow - Sade
6. Guestcheck - Tristan Prettyman
7. Nobody knows me at all - The Weepies
8. Glory Bound (acoustic) - Martin Sexton
9. Building A Mystery - Sarah Mclachlan
10. Out of Habit - Ani DiFranco

Peace be with you...

TOP 5 as of 7.6.06

On the glorious ride back from Colorado (the colorful state) I was asked the question: "What are your top five song artists?" Everyone in the car had a chance to respond, each taking their time. As I pondered, I felt good about the five I chose. When it comes down to it, each of these artists have been with me through different times of my life. It is kind of cool to look back on memories and hear a song playing in your head. It spices up life a bit...

1. The Beatles
2. Tom Petty
3. Guster
4. Jason Mraz
5. Tristan Prettyman

Update.

So, last night I found out that the angry man that I talked to yesterday is completely insane and rude to everyone. So now I do not feel bad one bit. Not even a little. He definitely deserved the attitude I laid down on him. Ha! I feel great!

I broke.

So much for being nice. I thought i was doing just great. but then i lost control. well, not completely, but i was no longer nice. i got a phone call from a very rude parent today. at first i was nice, but he was already to the point where when you are so frustrated you just repeat yourself and don't listen to what people have to say. i tried to answer his questions as politely as i could, at first, but that didn't last. it's hard not to stoop to the level of an angry parent when he won't even take the time to listen. it was so bad, i had to call him by the name "SIR"...that rarely happens. you know someone is frustrated when the names "sir" or "maam" are spoken. when i hung up the phone, i had failed to get the students name, or his for that matter, and luckily he didn't ask for mine. i feel bad for my reactions, and i should, but he made me feel useless and dumb. the more i write, the more i realize that everyone should just be nice to each other. i think a lot of problems would be fixed if everyone just shook it off a little and relaxed, myself included. i am getting less shakey by the minute, so i should be recovered by tomorrow. oh, the perks of working for orientation.

AMEN.

postsecret.blogspot.com

Be NICE

Today, I made a goal to be nice. Many of you may not think I have a problem with this, or maybe you do, but I really can be just plain mean. And most of the time I don't mean to be mean, I just am. I think it's because I like to follow the rules. So if anyone is doing something to jeopardize that, I can be rude. I decided to be nice because of my job. I work with people every day. And everyday people seem to try and get around following the guidelines we have set out for them. (Just in case you aren't familiar with my job, I deal with freshmen and their parents on a daily basis, trying to get them ready for their first semester in college.) Anyway, I put my goal into action today to see if it would make a difference in my day. Low and behold, I think it really did. I still met a lot of really annoying people trying to get out of a lot of things, which made me mad inside...but I didn't let my rudeness take over. I was actually nice to these somewhat incompetent people. (sorry, that wasn't very nice). I think I will try and do this more often, break the rules a little. And be nice...

"if we had the chance to figure it all out. life's purpose and the purpose of life. i think i would rather not try and figure it all out, i think id rather just live it. how can we learn anything if we are constantly trying to figure out what's in store?" -TP

Little me

yesterday, i was given a picture that was taken 4 years ago (approximately). i was standing in a big classroom, all by myself, with a piece of paper bearing my name on it, held close to my chest. it was covering the new t-shirt i was proudly wearing. black with white lettering which read Lake Powell (this shirt, now faded, finds its home stuffed somewhere in a drawer with other untouched work-out clothes). my soccer shorts showed off my tan and muscular legs, which I had willingly made the effort to keep that way throughout high school. my hair, shoulder length, was brightly shining with its last touch of california's summer sun. The smile on my face was not overly excited, nor awkward. I had been waiting for college life for the last few years, yet I found myself somewhat apprehensive. The only person I knew was my roommate and we were very different and rarely were together. It was something I hadn't done since I was a little girl. how i learned to cope then did not seem to help me at this time. or maybe it did. as i look at that girl in the picture, many memories flood through my mind. i am a very different person from that little me. i'm sure anyone could look at a picture taken of them 4 years ago and say that same thing. and yet i still feel like a little me. this august i will be at the same place this girl was: starting over in a new place, scared, excited, and lonely. i will feel the same apprehension i did such a short time ago. making new friends, getting comfortable with my surroundings, staying positive, not becoming a hermit. the list goes on.

It's funny how life repeats itself. well, it isn't always obvious. there are always new situations and things to deal with. but they are pretty much all the same. the same feelings come around and you learn to deal with them once again. maybe talking about it will get me through it. maybe because i have been in this situation before, it will be easier. maybe it won't. i guess i will have to wait and see. i will find some incredibly depressing, yet moving, song that will get me through. and in four more years i will look back at an old picture and memories will fill my mind and cause me to reflect. maybe then i won't feel so little. maybe then i will have a better head on my shoulders. maybe then i will be comfortable in my surroundings. and then i will be ready to another big change. i just read somewhere that we should live for change. will i ever be comfortable with that concept? will anyone ever be comfortable with that concept? maybe if we keep telling each other that change is good, this will be easy to do. i guess we won't know until it is all over. but why wait that long. for now i will just take it one step at a time. enjoy my last summer in logan. take advantage of everything that comes my way. i think that is how i will approach this new movement in my life. i will approach it when it gets here. i will think "this life is a beautiful one" and i will smile, because i always do. i need more moments like that, when i'm by myself and think "yes it is. my life is beautiful" and i will never forget it. life is beautiful, take advantage...

CA love

there is nothing like the smell of the ocean breeze and the feeling of sand on your bare feet. i know that is very cliche, but it really is the truth. here, your thoughts come alive and nothing else matters but you. it's always great to have that time with yourself. it is something i don't get much of. someday i will find the time to listen to me. i will take a breather soon enough. until that day...

Virgin blogger

this is the first out of many blogs for me. we will have a wonderful time together. enjoy.