Little me

yesterday, i was given a picture that was taken 4 years ago (approximately). i was standing in a big classroom, all by myself, with a piece of paper bearing my name on it, held close to my chest. it was covering the new t-shirt i was proudly wearing. black with white lettering which read Lake Powell (this shirt, now faded, finds its home stuffed somewhere in a drawer with other untouched work-out clothes). my soccer shorts showed off my tan and muscular legs, which I had willingly made the effort to keep that way throughout high school. my hair, shoulder length, was brightly shining with its last touch of california's summer sun. The smile on my face was not overly excited, nor awkward. I had been waiting for college life for the last few years, yet I found myself somewhat apprehensive. The only person I knew was my roommate and we were very different and rarely were together. It was something I hadn't done since I was a little girl. how i learned to cope then did not seem to help me at this time. or maybe it did. as i look at that girl in the picture, many memories flood through my mind. i am a very different person from that little me. i'm sure anyone could look at a picture taken of them 4 years ago and say that same thing. and yet i still feel like a little me. this august i will be at the same place this girl was: starting over in a new place, scared, excited, and lonely. i will feel the same apprehension i did such a short time ago. making new friends, getting comfortable with my surroundings, staying positive, not becoming a hermit. the list goes on.

It's funny how life repeats itself. well, it isn't always obvious. there are always new situations and things to deal with. but they are pretty much all the same. the same feelings come around and you learn to deal with them once again. maybe talking about it will get me through it. maybe because i have been in this situation before, it will be easier. maybe it won't. i guess i will have to wait and see. i will find some incredibly depressing, yet moving, song that will get me through. and in four more years i will look back at an old picture and memories will fill my mind and cause me to reflect. maybe then i won't feel so little. maybe then i will have a better head on my shoulders. maybe then i will be comfortable in my surroundings. and then i will be ready to another big change. i just read somewhere that we should live for change. will i ever be comfortable with that concept? will anyone ever be comfortable with that concept? maybe if we keep telling each other that change is good, this will be easy to do. i guess we won't know until it is all over. but why wait that long. for now i will just take it one step at a time. enjoy my last summer in logan. take advantage of everything that comes my way. i think that is how i will approach this new movement in my life. i will approach it when it gets here. i will think "this life is a beautiful one" and i will smile, because i always do. i need more moments like that, when i'm by myself and think "yes it is. my life is beautiful" and i will never forget it. life is beautiful, take advantage...